The beginning of my weight loss surgery was tough. My mind suffered with my decision to follow through with my weight loss surgery and before I knew it I was on the liquid diet. I thought to myself what did I get myself into? I blinked and my surgery day arrived.
Losing the weight came off easily at first, but it has been the toughest way to loose weight. There is nothing easy about my weight loss journey. This is tough on my mind, body and soul. Every day that I breath is a real struggle. Here is why:
- I sacrificed a large portion of my stomach, and this was in no way throwing in the towel or a shortcut to losing weight. Body goes through a lot of changes from hormones, skin, stomach food intake, mentality and much more.
- I lost a drastic amount of weight in a short amount of time. Not bad and not good. My gallbladder took a beating and had to have surgery. The struggles with plateauing, making sure I am eating properly and taking all of the required vitamins. The scale can be a nightmare at times. (love hate relationship)
- I deal with stress and anxiety, causing a plateau to happen and drinking my calories. Stress, I am not a stress eater but I get depressed over the stress. Life at times is very lonely in my mind. I have a good life; why do I feel this way? Why am I stressing when I am surrounded by love and safety. Lots to work on and figure out.
- My realizations; it is not always about the scale and the weight, though it is a main focus; there is more to wrap my head around. The success of the lost inches (I still see myself fat), the muscle definition that is building (I still see myself fat), the smaller waistline (I still see myself fat). Lots to overcome and thank goodness for support group. Back to reality of realization! I have lost the weight, I am of normal weight and size. Acceptance is a working progress. (I am no longer obese)
- My fear of food is an oxymoron. Why? Because as much as I don’t want to eat because I think I will gain weight; I still struggle with night time eating. I battle everyday to eat timely, starting with breakfast. If I don’t eat through out the day then I eat at night.. Not good, because in my past I would binge or over eat to compensate for not eating during the day. Today I can’t over eat but I should not be eating at night at all.. Working progress, the struggle is very much true and very real. I suffer from guilt when I eat at night.
- Surroundings – Others opinions and envy sucks. Causes unnecessary emotional distress. Everyone is different, drives and ambitions are different. Our personal reasons for going through weight loss surgery are different. It is sad but true as much as we want to be hard and bad asses we are still human with feelings and very deep rooted emotions. Our journey is difficult as it is why endure negativity from others? Working progress to ignore and keep striving for the ultimate goal of healthy ad happiness. (Sabotaging is not wanted)
For those out there who don’t understand weight loss surgery; these are just some of the things one goes through when the surgery is complete. Everyday is a struggle and hard work. It is more than just mind over matter. When I thought I fixed a set of issues a whole new set of issues arise. We walk into the unknown no matter how much we researched we do on bariatric surgery. No one has the answers as to what will happen to our morphing bodies and minds. We learn as we go through our new lives.