I ran in the 2018 Chicago Marathon this past October and this had to be the hardest run of my life. I ran with an IT band injury but I was able to run the first half with no problem and was pacing a decent pace. Once I hit mile 18 the run went all downhill. Pain kicked in on my knee, and I started to feel extreme tightness in my legs. I walked a good portion of the second half of the race. At this point my goal was to cross the finish line. I ran the last mile and forgot about all the pain I endured in the last 10K. That was almost two months ago the race happened. Since that last race I have been recouping and working my odd jobs. The gym and running had been put on hold.

One morning I get on the scale and realized I had gained 11 pounds and then I weighed myself again and bam! I weigh 174 pounds. What in God’s green earth is going on here? Yes, a 15 pound weight gain. Goodness. I was not confused by any means. Though I am very much a bariatric person it is very possible to gain weight.

I am 27 months out and I am a little worried that I am able to consume a little more food than when I first got the surgery. I have always had hunger sensations after surgery. Learning to eat at first was hard but trained my brain and stomach to be on the same page. Today it is a different time. Though I cannot eat a lot; I can drink a lot. My addictions were never really food in a way BUT sugary drinks are my vice. So easy to drink empty calories. The milky high calorie satisfaction is so comforting. It feels euphoric when I take that first sip.

I have always known that I would gain some weight at some point. In 3 moths a 15 pound weight gain is rough mentally for me. The fear of failing always crosses my mind. What I realized is that I cannot allow personal changes define conveniences to me. I went back to work a part-time but it’s in the mall. The world of temptation.  I lost track of my eating, my meds and myself. I did not work out for a month all I did was consume myself in work and shopping. But what good is shopping when I am gaining weight? I can’t fit into my jeans comfortably. Whoa, what am doing? What have I done? Yes, I let myself go a little bit. No excuses, I take full accountability.

So why am I sharing this information? Because, I want you the reader to know that we are normal human beings full of imperfections. I feel great in the updated me. The fact that I am not over 350lbs is great and I wear average sizes. I am fully aware of my weight gain and I have grabbed control of the gain and brought myself back. I have the will to stop drinking empty calories. Pack my food, eat properly, sleep and all the healthy habits we should continue. Structure is hard but being obese is harder.